before i channel my rage into anyone,
this is the next best alternative.

i really hate it when i'm finally free and available,
no one is going to reply me or even bother.
so here i am vomiting paragraphs of what i want a selected few to hear.
may not be you, may be you.

seriously what the hell is wrong with you.
first you come pleading me to accompany you.
i had scheduled work so i couldnt give any promises,
but i almost gave in and canceled my shift just to accompany you.
and this is in reference that you didnt even bother to accompany me.
and your reason was, oh i'm tired and the time it takes is too long.
i said fine, its okay i will go myself and i did and i was alone.
so now here i am with a rescheduled shift and going with you.
and now you wont even bother replying my text regarding the time.
i am THIS close to staying at home and not bothering about you.
SERIOUSLY, then maybe you will consider my existence.
(okay you just replied with news that you want to back out now, thank you and f*ck you)

i know you're sad and all that,
but hellooo i entrusted you to help us do this.
and you're just dillydallying with your supposed sadness and lack of interest.
i dont want to push youm but i hope you dont regret it when it runs out.

stop treating me like shit,
the only reason why i act like i'm cowering is cos i'm tired.
and i find no other reason to piss you off, it no longer proves anything.
but how dare you change my slots without even having me in consideration.
i wanted to say this to you, and maybe one day i will. f*ck you and yours disgusting face and muffin top.
you gross me out really, if i didnt need this, you wouldnt even see me at all.
sometimes when i see you eat, i wish all the fats choke your kidneys.
yes, you are evil but my thoughts can kill.

reply, tell me what is up.
even if you dont care, have the decency to reply me.
i know i no longer see you as often, but hello have the courtesy to say no even you dont accept what i am proposing.
i dont see why i need to make so much effort to contact you.
you are gradually pissing me off when i am just trying.

i know you are busy,
life seems to have finally started.
but cant you even give two hoots?
do you know that 70% of the things that i came across,
all i want to do is to maybe show or buy it for you.
because you mean an essential part of my life, now at least.
here you are, just blowing the rest of me off.
fine, but i expected better of you.

okay i just have to stop thinking about this.
sometimes i really wish i could just take a jet off by myself.
then when i am finally not here, lets see what happens.

monday: school.
tuesday: work.
wednesday: work, david choi/dinner.
thursday: maybe school.
friday: maybe school.
saturday: lunch with family.
sunday: picnic at mysterious location.

i might regret this post now,
for those who figure out is them, may take offense.
but for now, the freedom of speech to express my rage is mine.

what i want, i can't have.
what they have, i don't have.
but yet, its said that everyone's lives are balanced,
with the good they have, the bad they are burdened.
now where exactly is any of my good?
tell me, cos i can't see.

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