sometimes i wish i had a little more motivation,
sometimes i wish i had a little more to give,
sometimes i wish i would be noticed,
and sometimes i wish i could be loved.

then again, thats a terribly long shot.

maybe if i put my schedule up here,
i might actually do it.

tuesday: do work, might go to school early, letter-writing test in afternoon, back home to do work.
wednesday: lecture, talk in adrc, lunch at home then school work.
thursday: lecture, talk, lunch, site visit and maybe marble slab, work on ppt slides for friday's presentation.
friday: lecture, work in school, presentation for elective class, walk in town to buy hoodie.
saturday,sunday: i better be building models and cadding my life away.

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sometimes i ask myself,
why am i a perfectionist in things i shouldnt be perfecting?
like the way i try to arrange the way i sleep,
and making sure that i throw away failed baked goods.

when i should be perfecting my drawings and plans.
good lord, what am i to do?

right now,
i would like to have a 3pc chicken set from popeyes with two cups of corn,
not having to collect my online purchases,
and not having to attend the camera class though there's a need to.
but honestly, what would i rather do?

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catch a falling star
and put it in your pocket,
never let it fade away.

that has been kinda what i've been singing to myself the whole of today.
and part of it is to remind myself that i'm quite blissfully ignorant,
sometimes the struggles of other people simply opens my eyes beyond its slitty compartments.

i realise why sometimes i dont like to go out.
because i'm veryvery tempted to buy things espesh clothes.
i really how people can wear hoodies in this heat?!
i mean c'mon, i'm sitting on my table not exercising and i have beads of perspiration on my nose.
bah bah black sheep.

autocad is calling me,
but i'm just waiting for episode sixteen to just finish loading tsk.

i <3 birthday surprises! :D

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inspired?
not really.

was reading someone else's blog and the reason why he blogs,

"I want to write because we forget to remember sometimes.
Because in a world that moves too fast, writing slows us down and we consider ourselves?"

pretty true aint it?

okay, sometimes i read people's blogs because of their narcissistic way they post photos,
and how narcissistic they can make their life be.
i laugh and i wonder why am i not as bold as them.
and ohyeah, can i have an iphone too?

finally able to sleep through the night.
for previous reasons as to why i didnt,
i wont say for fear of cursing tonight's sleep.
its the most horrible feeling to be dead tired and not being able to sleep.
i'm such a baby like that.

maybe i'm starting to understand how this world works.
it seems like as i'm getting exposed, the more i learn.
tv shows may show exaggerated or unrealistic situations and scenerios,
but they are ultimately based on grounded facts.

yes its true how i'm sometimes unhappy with so many things around me
buts its probably time i learn to appreciate and start working on the things i can actually change.
like the man in the mirror, it starts with me.
let's hope i can even live to my own motivational speech.




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back from town,
armed with a new camera!

after a whole week's wait,
i finally managed to persuade my dad to get a dslr.
actually i think my dad was quite excited about it too,
guys and their gadgets haha.

but for now,
i think the only good test shot i managed to get of was a scissors.
and that was only because i was trying out a function haha.
okay this talk isnt very exciting but you can tell that i am.

this addtion kinda completes preparation for salt lake city!
with a new kickass camera (and the extra heavy lense that my dad bought),
i am well on my way to documenting this trip!
naturally, things like hoodies constantly distract me haha.
i was walking around town these few days,
and the thought of 'oh, this would look good AND keep me warm when i'm in the states.'
someone stop me!

and i just saw an online store with nice tees eeks.
(and great, i just spent another half hour looking at hoodies)

that being said,
i'm almost on the verge of forgetting work.
it does make me feel inadequate seeing how much work people do,
or how prepared they are.
my whiny conscience keeps telling me that i should start getting to work,
but lazing around watching the season finale of project runway seems so much easier right?

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i don't want another pretty face
i don't want just anyone to hold
i don't want my love to go to waste
i want you and your beautiful soul
- jesse mccartney

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i didnt realise what a popwhore i was!
i was watching singapore idol with my mom,
and when whot-his-name was singing beautiful soul by jesse,
i sang along and kept up with every single word.
my mom was surprised and i was even more so,
i didnt think i knew all the words gosh.

but it did make me take a closer look at the lyrics though.

suddenly this week as if its almost over.
i know i'm really pushing my luck considering that its only wednesday, but still!
thursday: mass talk, mass lecture in afternoon and model-making tutorial (argh models!)
friday: morning lecture, bumming around, elective class, dino's laksa!
and then its the weekend, and i've no idea what i'm gonna do!

though i pray hard that saturday would be a good day!

i planned to start doing some work,
and that obviously has come to no avail and i'm loading movies now.
goodness gracious, i'm actually tempted to do a little work hmms.


oh and it'll be nice is someone asks me out for chicago for my 21st next year! (:

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i'm still pretty amused with myself.
i woke up today thinking that it was already sunday,
and in my head i started lamenting to myself that the weekend had passed by too fast and how monday spells new school work.
then i started to wonder what i did the day before,
and i realised that it was only saturday.
you should have seen the glee on my face haha.

i'm glad i finally decided to go out for dinner with em peeps,
cos i was quite tired from school and the rain made it so much easier to stay at home.
but i'm glad i went to meet em cos i thoroughly enjoyed dinner and talking about dots and leprechauns haha.
nomnom, i feel like feasting on pasta and gratin from that italian place!

lohwei said my blog is terribly emotional,
but rawrs i cant help it!
its probably not that interesting to read anyways.
now while i'm craving friiied chicken now though.

should i cave in and buy kfc later?
hurhurhur, i can hear my stomach scolding me already.

i wonder if putting my shift down on monday was a good idea.
not too smart considering that i will probably receive news on microdetailing,
and that's when all the work starts.
hmms, but i'm not sure even how to feel when i'm back at work.

looking around for a semi-professional camera to bring overseas this dec.
am really not tempted to bring my semi-shingz digi camera to salt lake city.
of course i would like to ask my parents to purchase a new camera,
but it wouldnt be nice since they're already paying for the trip and extra.
i might just consider renting one but the dslr(s) available seems extremely un-userfriendly.

however, if there's anyone kind enough to lend(rent) me a professional-ish camera,
do let me know alrights?
*bambi eyes*

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i dont want to admit, i really dont want to.
but i miss you, with every beat.
of all things, its the last thing i want to think.

gawd, i refuse to be such a douche.

this week has been great,
considering there's lesser work with submission tomorrow.
it almost feels like year one again, with the emphasis of design.
definitely a breath of fresh air after all these submissions.

pondered over a long while.
you know what, i shant say anything more.
i'm just going to get myself some glee-loving.

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just felt the need to blog
to dispense that long previous entry.

day after week of submission,
and it feels good to wake up fresh(er) for school.
was given work to do for the rest of this week,
and i'm all too lazy to print out the handouts.

hmms, it almost feels like the holidays already.

oops got distracted looking at lomo cameras online.
i'm tempted to get a fisheye!
either that or i want to get a new digital camera hmms.
though it didnt seem that long ago when i got my last one,
its totally obsolete compared to the models available now.
which reminds me, i need to buy films for the trip end of this year!
and hopfully i get rent or borrow a decent digital camera with enough pixels to capture the beauty of salt lake city.

so quite excited,
though i wont be spending christmas in singapore.
this is probably the first christmas spent overseas,
and most likely literally over the sea cos i might be flying through christmas!
that isnt something to be excited about bah.

ohwells,
bothered or not to be bothered.
seemingly juvenile yet a peek at what the future would be.
sighh, hongkong this weekend.
dimsum here i come!

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'it was the third regional championships. it was like the emerald city to my yellow brick road.'
'wow, you actually made ice-skating sound gayer.'
-modern family

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i'm glad submission is over.
this is probably one of the times that i actually could wait for it to be over.
it has been a tough week, very tough week.
twelve hours (plus two hours) of sleep actually made everything seem a little better.

halloween was indeed fun,
i'm glad i got to spend it with the great people at work.
in my opinion, i thought the dressing up was definitely a success!

for the rest of the week,
it was probably dismal at best.
major argument w/ parents,
and let's just say its something i dont want live though this again.
i admit i'm in the wrong,
but bringing these overwhelming unfinished problems to light,
i was definitely at breaking point.

following submission,
i guess i finally understand when some people say that
its like a buffer to problems.
almost sadistically, its like a drug to stop thinking of things.

thinking back, maybe this ultimatum will work for me.

decided to take a break from work this month.
truth be told, sometimes i'm using work for escape.
a drug that i keep going back time and time again.
the satisfaction that i once enjoyed may just be a disguise to the fatigue that i'm getting now.
despite being given the green light again,
in the fit of indignation and quick decision,
i decided to give myself time to breathe again and open my eyes to something new.

lunched with shaunny yesterday after submission,
but that was after getting lost in braddell.
i'm definitely having the macbook blues,
sent it for repair and i would probably only get it late next week.
argh, the horror of now being chained to a desk facing a desktop.
now watching shows in the comfort of my bed is impossible.

dino's for laksa and icekimmoo where i succumbed to calories.
and i keep telling myself that post-submission calories do not count at all.
somehow, all these 'energy-giving' food will make up for the lack of sleep.
but it came to a point while eating my waffle that the lazy afternoon sun was hurting my eyes.
sleeping for an hour or two makes your eyes grow incredibly small and sensitive to sunlight.
i mean crazily so, seriously!

talked and talked.
sometimes its only when people bring out your issues,
then you take time to realize what you've been hiding or running away from.

i'm almost lost with this expense of time,
that weekends are finally days for healing and self-reflection.
it came to a point just now that i slept for an hour or two just to tell myself that i'm not waking early.
if you dont understand, its okay hahaha.

michael jackson later tonight,
will see if it lives up to the reviews.
but for now lunch, then bigbang theory, cougartown, gossipgirl, how i met your mother, modern family, antm, projectrunway and finally grey's anatomy.
just to catch of the shows i missed this week.

damn i watch too much telly.

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