to my surprise, i'm actually rejecting.
it might have been all i was looking for,
complete with its dose of sugar.

but why does it feel so weird then?
it has barely been five days.
and now i'm the one blowing hot and cold.

when everyone frolics to somewhere new,
suddenly the familiar seems all so ominous and dark.
and then, here comes the recluse of all that was once happy.

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its funny how i'm almost free do i realise how stoned i am.
school has almost ended with one more day to go on monday,
and that spells the end of one school year.
there's every reason for happiness.

but yet, i know that i have somewhat neglected school.
even for now when its studybreak to work on portfolio,
i'm reluctant to even start surfing through the amounts of papers i have
to search for the documents i need.
and its already thursday, oh the joy.

whatever excuses to send my body today to the warm rays of the sun today is foiled.
i blame school work and my inexcusable need to print stuff in school.
hahaha all the procrastinations huh.
okay tomorrow it is!
whether i get company for tanning is another story.

amazingly, i'm the one that has holidays approaching.
but yet, i'm not the one with new surprises and all that hiddydums.
even in the midst of being buried under books,
people i know are suddenly getting hitched and celebrating their anniversaries and whatnots.
even subtle hints to celebrate togetherness (which are obviously picked up by me) are rampant.
what's with that huh?

my life with aint no slight hint of sparkly dust nor pink bobbing hearts.
but with my almost daily affair with vanilla at work.
even so, i'm petrified that even that will be taken away from me.
i might just be left to reality in its stonehard form.


okay time's awasting and its time to search for stuff and off to school!

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WELL.
it certainly has been pretty long.
i must say, i havent had a proper breather since like christmas?
and that doesnt seem so far away either.

the last sem for school is over.
excluding the coupla tests that i still have this coming week and portfolio review.
but in other words, i'm basically free.
and no suprises that its back to the night shift at work everyday.
now that, i dont really mind.

getting through this week was quite hellish,
staying up with no sleep, that isnt exactly what i was looking forward to.
the worst part was probably knowing what was to come, in terms of deadlines and work.
much requited sleep didnt come good as well, cos there was this nagging at the back of my mind of the amount of work unfinished.
i really dont know how i can much more of this in the years to come.
its really scary bah.

i was secretly relishing the moment i got my work handed up,
sure i'm not that happy of the quality of work
but i'm shurgging it off nonetheless.
i'm thankful for the people i have around me during this process.
schoolmates for example who have dealt with my crap and swings in school.
really, i'm ashamed that anyone has to see me in that kind of mood.
but i kind of managed to catch up on lost sleep,
so selfcontrol is no longer an issue.

it seems that everyone in school i know is facing the same thing haha.
scary much!

so i'll apologise for the thousands of gatherings that i've missed.
cos every since chinesenewyear has come and gone, i've been bogged down with work.
i'll try to make it for gatherings now that i'm free-er! (:

and its finally time to get down to do my new year resolutions!
plus start planning out my valentine's presents hoho.

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