finally i can blog after this busy week.. the main event of this week was on thurs.. my birthdae.. nothing really happened on mon and tues other than the fact that the QA test was quite interesting..

the original solution was pink, but i couldnt remember my tuition QA notes on what metal solution (cobalt chloride) would usually be that colour.. it was quite fun with the wonderful changes in colour and the dealings with conc. hydrocholric acid.. wonder what was the unidentified smoke that was given out from the conc HCL(aq) in the gas chamber(?).. heard that the coming QA test would be the most interesting of all we have done, as described by LP, with five different solutions and one reagent.. interesting..

wed, the eve of my bdae, was a really horrid day.. it was super crappy for the whole day.. in the morning, i realised that i had only done 2 out of 8 dwit essays that was supposed to be handed up to BS that day.. luckily she didnt collect bcos she was doing eng oral practice.. then was horrid maths when PE was eyeing me when i was talking to mrinnocent and gave me a black look.. stupid tyotch.. think she's very good.. when it was contact time period, i realised that i forgot to bring my 'gentleman handbook' to let DL sign.. was so angry at myself.. when assembly period came, i went out of class clutching my pencilcase after PE gave me another black look when i informed her that i forgot to bring the 'gentleman handbook'.. i just went around the school walking and chatting with mixedjuice while i watch jealously at choir ppl happily strolling to class 3-3 to let DL sign their handbooks.. haiz.. t'was such a horrid dae.. luckily i lasted thru the day thinking of the magnificent next day.. :p

my birthday came to me with upteen blasts of energy even though i slept at only 2+ the previous night (bcos of the stupid dwit essays).. i came to school bursting with energy and brimming with happiness.. met yellow at his class and went to staffroom 2 to let DL authorise our unsigned handbook.. he apparently went to eat breakfast with DT.. i sat at the study table outside the staffroom 2 and lent yellow my handbook.. then the ppl started to fill the places in the table.. purple caught us and sat with us while i tried to finish my essays, blue came soon after.. red, turquoise and green joined us next.. salty also came.. yellow gave me a very sweet bdae card which i read at home to avoid attention..:p that was the first present that dae.. after a horrid pe lesson, i received my 2nd bdae present from LJC, an op wallet during the 10min break before changing out of my pe clothes.. after school, i walked around with turquoise and salty outside staffroom2.. we moved off later after we were interrogated by DT on why we were dere.. hahaz.. crazy :p i met purple outside his class and he was almost on the verge of tears bcos his tablet was confiscated y some pillow-case-skirt woman.. while she went to the restroom, i strode blodly behind her and attempted to kick her ___... :p when all of us met up later, everyone was in a very bad mood, but the mood settled when we ate at sakae together.. the only prob was that we had to settle the seating plan bcos some ppl wanted to sit together *hinthint* and some didnt want to be put together at all.. the crazy part came after lunch and we rushed to the neoprint area and took dozen of pics of all 6 of us, turquoise/yellow/blue/purple/green and i.. it was a totally enjoyable time, first time i took neoprints too.. :p when everyone left, i accompanied purple back to school to retrieve his tablet back from the tech centre, only to find it closed for the day.. then i walked purple back home and walked home myself.. :p realized that purple and i are such good frenz bcos we've alot in common.. :p

yesterday, we planned for another neoprint-taking session, this time including red and zlata.. we decided to meet at four bcos green was busy with cca till 1530 and i had tuition till four.. after tuition, rushed by purple and turquoise, i took a quick shower bcos i was all dirty and stinky.. the stupid bus caused me to be late and yellow to get angry.. sori kkz, it really wasnt my fault.. i noe you waited for a long time.. we took at least 6-8 sets of pictures.. some junior shots, senior-only shots and mixed.. of course the most unexpected was someone's shot with his god-bro.. it really made me unhappy bcos they took so many together and left me out, as if i didnt belong to their clique.. i felt hurt and betrayed.. the feeling of rejection came back to me.. my face changed from flushing with happiness as i stepped out of the curtains which booth they were taking in.. my eyes threatened to fill with tears but i bravely fought them as i knew that it was my destiny and my fate did not lie with them.. it seemed that time stopped as i still saw a glimpse of the two of them posing in their seats.. my heart fell like a stone and filled the bottom of my soul in an infinite number fragments.. in the darkness, i could not tell if the sparkle was the sparkling pieces of my heart or the droplets of tears.. i jolted back to reality as i slapped myself with relization.. i sent turquoise and red off and went to have a buy drinks with zlata and orange.. each time the scene flashed by in my mind, my tears threatened to spill, but my conscience; backed up by reality bravely fought them back..

-----, you may promise to take individual pieces of memories with me, but i noe that it is only backed up by obligation, the obligation that buys my friendship back.. i noe your true feelings now, but i dont blame you, i would not want you to be tied down by my flaws.. you deserve better.. i will never forget what i felt and the arrow that shot straight into my heart.. each time i see you around from now, the happiness that we once shared will only be a shadow to what i felt.. i have realised that the concern you showered upon me actually was made up by obligation, but i was bewitched by the veil of sincerity, i should have see it right through.. my thoughts will never change, my tears never seen, my crys of anguish never heard..

----, yes, you may say that you were not part of this and was pushed on by the other party.. yes, but you could have resisted, after all, you received the resluts that you awaited for, it should have given you energy, the strength to reject, the power to invite those who stare from afar, ousted by the two palms on the island.. but what hurt me the most was how you even thought of this.. you thought that it was only a shred of petty jealousy, chucking it aside till one day, the emotions wasted, i come running back.. i thought you would pursue and try to solve this matter, but you took my forgiveness for granted, flung me aside as if a wilted wildflower struggling to survive, you did not give me water but expect the sky to rain.. i was wrong about you.. i didnt noe.. it was wrong from the start, the coming together between you and someone should not have happened.. i was stupid to not have seen the consequences..

to the both of you.. yes, one day, my sense of forgiveness will take over me and forgive the both of you but everytime i see the both of you, whether individually or together, my heart will remember the 22nd April 2005.. for it was the day my heart died..

i am not angry.
i am not sad.
i am not happy.
i am not mad.

in fact,
my tears have been shed.

i am painting the last smile on my shattered heart..

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well.. tis been almost a week since i last updated.. haiz.. this week has been really hectic.. really mad..

monday was filled with anticipation to finish school bcos i forgot to buy the cards for council and it happens that i missed a junior's bdae on sunday and monday was CK's bdae.. SORI!! hope you received the card i bought on tuesday :) sori abt it kkz.. really embarrassed.. o"o

tuesday was really boring after i realised that so many ppl had free lessons on that day..and i was had a full day of BORING lessons.. double chinese, yucks.. i knoe that the prelims are coming but.. the teacher is not helping in keeping my interest up.. haiz.. the only thing that perked up the lesson was mrinnocent realising that BY shaves the pits of his arms aka armpits.. lolz.... he saw the hairlessness through the sleeve when BY raised his arms gesticulating wildly abt the depths of abused maids.. lolz.. after seeing the absolutely disgustingnessthatonlyjoshuawoulddo we went on chatting animatedly abt how BY's wife would force him to shave even in his nether regions in aid of allowing her to use her mouth to remove pubic lice.. OHMY! hahaz.. jus jking.. :p after school

wednesday was quite horrible cos LLP didnt give us back his test paper, only hinting that he didnt dare to count the passes.. *pray that i pass* i diunno larz.. snuck out of assembly at two later in the afternoon to go and see the primary school dentist.. luckily my teeth are perfectly alright.. :p after that i had to make my way all the way to serangoon to go for my chinese tuition.. i was freaking tired that i almost slpt during class.. haiz.. what i horrid day..

thurs wasnt any better other from LLP teaching us abt esters (ding) hahaz.. he said that he would most probably set such a question with an ester named ding for the next organic test..

well, todae's fridae.. nothing much except for the day seemed expecially long.. argh.. was totally bored maths.. i dont evn understanding ANYTHING abt vectors.. stupid.. i think that i'm starting to become like turquoise, i'm falling in love with chemistry.. its no more a mystery to me.. *wink* totally love it.. better than jigglypuff who taught me last year.. I LOVE LEE LIAK PHONG FOREVER! hahaz.. he's my most fav teacher.. *laugh* he's the total greatest teacher.. i finally knoe why 4-8 and 4-10 love him so much.. quoting from green: those that are taught my LLP totally love him.. those who are not taught hears good things abt him and in turn, also love him.. that's why almost the whole sec4 level loves him.. lolz..

apparently, teddy; salty; turquoise and zlata are watching 'sahara' now.. zlata, let me watch pacifier larz.. stupid.. can download..

i officially hate cabbagepatch forever.. her test is so officially difficult.. i think she purposely set the test to give us a slap on the face.. stupid tyotch.. but i guess its for the better so we can wake up from our dreams for easy physics and finally realise that there's a tough side to physics.. haiz.. i'm so gonna fail..

so happy, my brother bought me kelly clarkson's breakaway album for me on my bdae.. at least someone on this cold and deserted world stills remember my birthday.. all the ppl around me seems to have led their own lives, and leaving me in the lurch.. i think i'll buy a tub of haaigen daz and sit in my room and celebrate my birthday.. its gonna be a long 6 days till end.. this world is so bleak.. *weepweep* *i noe that some of ya really dont knoe what to get for me, just get me something that summarises our friendship for these past times, i'm not a materialistic person, i just wanna feel impt.. i noe how you feel abt me from what you give me.. i wanna come back home crying from happiness and not from despair and rejection..*

here's a song that summarises all that i wanna tell all my peeps..
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i'm really scared for my coming major examinations.. haiz..

someone told me this (to protect the privacy of the person, i wont reveal his/her name :p): i'm always left out from the group; i'm always the one who gets sacrificed first; why doesnt anyone treat me as if i am important; why doesnt anyone treat me as if i'm not invisible?

sometimes i share the same feelings..

dont onlycherish me when i'm gone.. i believe that i've done enough to help you all through ur tribulations.. i've only 6 months left in this world..



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left from school early todae bcos i really didnt feel well.. in the morning, when i woke up, i found myself with a lump in my throat, causing me pain when i swallowed down my saliva or water.. after i bathed, i felt a little better, but my thorat still hurt.. only after reaching school, i realised that i left my lozenges at home.. argh.. after class, i went down with turquoise and RL to the study bench to wait for SS.. she wanted us to help her record marks or somethint.. msged me at 0025 in the morning.. lolz.. after that DT joined us and we started chatting abt the ebchoir's current possibilities as being the top5 choirs in dis year's syf.. it was interesting bcos we weighed our chances against other choirs.. apparently DT was quite optimistic abt it.. turquoise and RL sped back to class after seeing VT climbing up the stairs.. DT and i strolled back to our respective classes while talking abt the state of the ebchoir's songs.. haiz.. hope that we DO get into the top5 choirs..

PH came late for physics and said that it was due to a briefing abt the upcoming sec3 camp.. it seems like the sec3s dis year will be getting a better camp than us.. the place will be less soiled and the food more delectable.. well.. good luck to them lorz.. hate camps forever though.. i got 11/15 for one of my practicals.. quite happy.. but must work harder to score a full marks..

next period was PE, she shoved us the 'differentiation and integration' test and settled down to mark 4-5's test.. the test was kinda basic but i forgot how to do it.. gonna fail the differentiation part butr i hope i ace the integration part.. hope that the marks can level out and pass in overall.. hate differentiation forever..

after that, i walked down to the staff room 1 and seeked PE out.. she was quite motherly as she accessed my sickness and declared me sick enough to go home.. after collecting the permission slip, i walked outside the school and hailed a cab home.. the cab driver was interrogating me abt my sickness..

after i got home, i took some cough and phlegm medcine but it didnt soothe my throat.. after that, i slept till abt 1+.. got a headache bcos i only slept for a short while.. ate 'mee sua' for lunch and settled on my com covered in a blanket and read people's blogs.. quite interesting..

i realised that when you're living through time, it seems like such a long time, but when you look back, it seems to have passed so quickly.. why? is it some glitch in time?

now that syf is over and done.. a burden of humiliation and friendlessness seemed to have slipped off my shoulder.. maybe that's why i managed to pass my 2.4 yesterday.. haiz.. now it seems that our sec4 life in choir has ended and we have to revert back back to thr melancholy of school life.. now, we cant use choir practice as an an excuse to have a gathering to talk or watch a movie together.. a big chunk of my life seems to have disappeared into the abyss of despair..

feeling really tired and sad..

3 days till eldrama's Judgement day..
12 weekdays till chinese prelims..
2++ months till chinese o'levels..
5++ onths till our final battle..
13 days till i'm 16..

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YES! the choir has achieved a magnificent; glittering; absolutely fabulous gold with honours for the biannual Singapore Youth Festival.. it may not seem like a surprise but we DID it.. yes, we did..

the morning was a killer for me.. i woke up the sound of my home fone ringing.. but then i just went back to sleep.. 2mins later, i was shaken awake by my brother.. then i remembered that i was supposed to keep my handfone on bcos blue, turquoise and ET wanted to warm up their voices via conferencin in the morning.. (my fone was off bcos i was charging it thru the nite) then i switched my fone on and went to bathe.. when i came back, my fone had abt 7 msgs and 5 missed calls.. lolz.. then turquoise and blue called one after the other i put them in a conterence.. then a private no called and i picked it up.. then i heard a voice like JG's answering, asking for kenny.. i was totally shocked.. but i put them in a conference together.. it was then i realised that its was ET.. totally 'ohmy' lorz.. after breakfast, i left them to talk and shoved the whole fone+conversation in my pocket.. then i went to school with the conversation in my pocket..

reading period was like 10 yrs.. that 20mins took so long to get past.. in the end, PE came in at 0830 and finished 'permutation'.. KH took such a long time during chinese and talked rubbish.. took such a long time.. before i left, BW tried to rape me.. i struggled for abt 5mins and shoved him off and smacked him in his groin.. TAKE THAT BYOTCH! trying to take on me right, fat hope.. next time i'll hit more than ur groin, i slice it off 2gether with ur boobs! STUPID LEG FETISH DISGUSTING SHARP TIATS FASHION DISASTER ENGLISH FAILURE BISEXUAL! STUPID! hope you do 'REALLY' well for ur o'levels..

after that, met CM outside the audi and went in.. the air inside seemed tense and scary.. really cold.. after that practice, we hopped into the bus towards SCH.. the bus was really quiet.. everyone was quite scared.. even turquoise was shushin everyone and was in a really weird mood.. scary lorz.. never see that before.. only purple was trying to lift the situation but in the end, was shushed by GR and turquoise.. haiz.. so scary..

a burst of cold air met us when we stepped into the SCH.. luckily i brought my jacket along.. it acted like an artificial warmer to me.. shoved SS into the hall with me.. a school left just left and sat near the top with SS on my left and CM on my right.. SS was quite scared too, saying something that she was the only teacher-in-charge there and mr leong not there or something.. BKPJ came in after we sat down.. sunset=boring; no dynamics; sops couldnt reach some notes.. can listen to their version and other choice pieces on mr innocent's mp3.. recorded for him.. really clear.. cat high came on soon enough.. sunset: definitely beat the rest bcos it was the only choir i heard that day that actually had some essence of emotion and self-creativity.. Ronde: shocked the rest of the choirs there, starting was impressive though had some stick-outs.. Lukluk: was absolutely the best, dont take offence but was better than aj's version, more variation in dynamics and sound quality, a well-balanced sound but sops undersung bcos was quite soft, love the hoyahoya, sop2s were bad at the 'ni-o-ne-ni' part, stray voices were ablaze.. nevertheless, the sound was well-blended and creative with the appropriate use of 'waves' though had sticking-out voices.. well done, didnt disappoint me..

when the resulte were given, everyone was tense and scared.. when the announcer gave us 'gold with honours' ebchoir exploded in screams and shouts of happiness.. wow.. screamed with them.. turquoise was on-myed by a girl sitting next to him and received the full-force of his scream.. poor gal was deaf for a few mins digging her ears.. lolz.. screaming relieved everyone's tension and unhappiness for these few weeks.. well, it was a great dae.. for completeness, chong cheng choir was the only choir wth gold and us with gold with honours.. GREAT JOB GUYS!! the tuitions, family time, computer time, msn time, chilli food, chocolates (turquoise, your hersheys' choco chip chocolate), time to interact with friends, horrid grades, lesson time, water, strepsils, taxi trips to and fro to siglap etc. you all sacrificed did not go to waste huh.. it was the foundation to the gold with honours.. you all deserved it.. i'm really proud of you all.. you made us and the school proud.. i will forever love the EBChoir..

the sec 4s left their last competition with a big bang..

to all choir peeps, take the rest of the time this week to relax and take a breather and catch up on the latest gossips.. but do not forget to quickly get back into the speed of studying for ur coming tests/exams.. that is the most important.. reality has her set of punishments, named consequences, if you dont get back to her..

totally love the setting of the eldrama's drama.. really nice and philosophical.. work hard ok.. i'm praying for you all now..


God has blessed us, let us pray for the coming obstacles of others..

5 days till eldrama's Judgement day..
14 working days till chinese prelims..
3 months till chinese o'levels..
6 months till our Judgement day..
15 more days till my bdae..

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was visiting a few ppl's blogs and suddenly came on this person's blog, it seems that he was tokin abt love.. and it seems to quite apply to a fair lot of ppl i know.. jus what is love? i personally feel that love cannot be defined but only by personal standards.. everyone has his/her own definition if love.. some people believe that love is fate bringing two people together.. some others feel that it is an attraction between one or two individuals.. some also believe that its the feeling that one feels when he/she sees his/her true love happy.. is the tale of romeo and juliet one of true love? is true love abt sacrificing oneself for thou other.. i believe that love is one abt having an attraction for the other.. but it takes two to truly love.. love is a very complicated thing, but it seems that sometimes, love seems superficial.. is love blind? is love for real? is love abt fate? is love something that can be tied down by a ring and a piece of paper? is love something that only two people can share? is love painful? is love hurtful? is love abt shedding tears? is love abt staring abt your love's eyes? is love the tingly feeling in your stomach when you hlod you love's hands? is love perfect? is love full of flaws? is love full of ups and down? is love abt showing concern? is love elusive? is love evasive? can love be returned? would your love love you back? WHAT IS LOVE? love is indescribable.. just what is love.. someone plz tell me..
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Go On And Cry

What goes around comes back around
Seems thats just the way heartach falls
I learn to live without you by myside
But I prayed for the day that you will call
So why dont you lie down beside me
Open your heart and confide in me

Go on and cry, here's my shoulder
Why don't you try to imagine that I'd even care?
Go on and cry on my cold shoulder
Oh you left me so sad
And you hurt me so bad
It's your turn to cry, cry, cry
Over me

You say you made a big mistake, yes you did
When you threw away the love I gave
Boy, I always knew you'd come 'round again
Looking for the love we made

Go on and cry, here's my shoulder
Why don't you try to imagine that I'd even care?
Go on and cry on my cold shoulder
Oh you left me so sad
And you hurt me so bad
It's your turn to cry, cry, cry.

Sometimes love is overrated, yeah
It can be so hard to find a cure
And when a heartbreak is understated
It comes back around
I'm sure oh, oh, oh

Go on and cry, heres my shoulder, my shoulder
Why dont you try to imagine that I'd even care?
Go on and cry on my cold shoulder
Oh you, you left me so sad
And you hurt me so bad
Your turn to cry
Go on and cry
Over me
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5 days till the choir's Judgement day..
10 days till the eldrama's Judgement day..
3 months till our prelims..
6 months till our Judgement day..
20 days till i'm 16..

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