trying to be perfect,
trying not to let you down.
honesty is honestly,
the hardest thing for me right no;
- kris allen

+++

for once, i am glad today is saturday.
finally i have time to rest my head and well, rest.

i'm so glad i made time for the food hunt.
i havent seen them peeps in the longest time,
and it was nice just to hang loose and not bother at all.
back to times that were simple and ever so filled with laughs.
thats what you get with friends whom you've known for so long.
so if you see this, thanks for yesterday.
i really needed it (:

a sudden conversation led to love that makes your heart race.
so i asked, 'do you believe in love that makes your heart race?'

my answer is no.
i did, i really did.
i wore the rosiest-tinted glasses.
but now, its such a joke that i laugh so chillingly that i amuse myself.
love does not make your heart race, it simply tickles and amuses me.
to me, instant gratification works, and all these games do not last.
one day, you will finally wake up and knock your head.
and you will realise how stupid you have been.

its weird how harsh i am now.
definitely not pessimistic but a turn for something worse.
it might have been the fatigue or the food talking,
but the darkness has never been more welcoming.

okay maybe its the fatigue talking,
cos i feel a light buzz thats getting me irritable.

week seven,
and i kind of have no idea what's going on.
we're moving into the project,
and honestly it has scaring me shitless.
cos now, i'm all on my own;
and i don't know if i can push myself.
on the same note, its not like i have a choice.

let me sleep on this,
to mull over this like hot wine.
and that i'm gonna take another step.

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the truth is incontrovertible,
malice may attack it,
ignorance may deride it,
but in the end; there it is.
- winston churchill

+++


i'm just beyond tired today goodness.
almost slept in tashie's house today.
and i'm muttering nonexistent words,
with a gradual headache growing.
i tell you, its the lack of sleep and the heat.

i want to eat scrambled eggs,
i want to eat chicken and a huge chunk of salmon.
meat, sweet murder.

cant wait for darwin and prada's playdate next friday hurhur.
that being said, i better buy travel supplies for darwin.
i'm actually quite amused and excited hahaha.

okay gonna sleep early with a sampling of glee and himym.
cant wait to see the peeps for makan food hunt on friday! :DD

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it's a fact, once you get on board,
say good-bye cause you can't go back.
oh it's a fight, and i really wanna get it right.
where I'm at, is my life before me,
and this feelin' that i can go back
- leann rimes

+++


seriously, i kind of feel like that.
and it could probably mean that i look as much as a mess like that.
i cant remember which disney movie she is from but she looks mighty familiar,
like from hercules or something.
okay maybe not hercules.

i succumbed to sleep at seven,
so now i am wide awake with my eyes wide open.
because i have kinda too much energy and that really sucks.
with a long day tomorrow, i need all the sleep i can possibly get.

i cant help falling back into you.
but every single time i think about it,
i just want to puke.
i literally get bile in my throat.

okay going to start my sketching.
this whole blogging everyday has to stop.

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MEREDITH; But, I’m good actually. I feel like it’s all gonna be okay. Like we’re all gonna keep our jobs, and we’re all gonna be amazing people, and live amazing lives. [he feels her forehead, she giggles] Unstable childhood.
DEREK; Ah, yes.

Grey’s Anatomy, 6x03 I Always Feel Like Somebody’s Watchin’ Me

+++

two days on,
and yes i'm feeling the after-effects.
i feel the need to constantly update myself,
and i've given in quite a few times today.
need to get a grip.
well, given the consideration that i was struck by grey's anatomy today,
i must say that i was only properly conscious and sober for one day.

i need to make a conscious effort to fill up my time properly now.
wanted to bake today,
but the lack of cream cheese at home left me lazy and needy for a nap.
and five hours later, i heard sounds of my mum's semi-unsuccessful cake.
(i mean my mum making sounds, not the cake)
so me being too lazy, i made pickled carrots which should be ready in a day's time.
but i have a feeling that i may have left the carrots boiling for too long.

too much to think,
too much time.
or so i think.

monday: school
tuesday: school
wednesday: school
thursday: school, family dinner
friday: makan food hunt!
saturday: work, family dinner at oriole!


you know what,
i have too much energy now.
i should head out to run.

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sweet dreams till sunbeams find you,
sweet dreams that leave our worries behind you.
but in your dreams whatever they be,
dream a little dream of me.
- glee

+++

one of my favourit-est songs,
and its beyond sad when artie sang it cos i then realized how differently the song can be interpreted.
cant seem to stop humming the song to myself now.

done with my submission for the week!
with no classes on fridays, it always feels alot better to have my weekends starting early.
but why it doesnt feel that way i wonder,
i dont always work fridays these few weeks,
so it shouldnt have any other explanation.
well, its sure beats me.

site analysis is over and done with,
i wouldnt say that my group did a fantastic job.
but for what its worth, i honestly didnt put much of a heart in it either.
yet, tashiepoo and i just knew exactly what spots to tickle,
and our mood board came away with a rave review.
looks like all my rubbish i didnt manage to get away with in second year pulled off in the third.

third year seems strangely different.
a more cohesive plan for the year promoting design and inspiration.
i mean, look at next week's schedule, we're doing a fashion show.
seriously, hahaha i have no idea where to go with this.
application for the fashion show committee turned out with me as one of the three photographers,
to think that i put emceeing as the first choice.
getting my second choice wasnt too bad i guess,
except that i'm worried that i am not up to standard to the other two photographers.

on a better note,
a photo of mine was complimented openly in class by the lecturer.
okay there were minor photoshopping changes, but still.
:D

i guess it is time to stop.
to focus on what is important this time,
cant procrastinate anymore.
whether i will take this as my past that i will never touch again,
or possible revisiting, i am taking a firm stand this time.

the wonders of facebook brought me to this architecture student's profile.
he has graduated and spent his last two university years in carnegie mellon university as part of an exchange while pursuing his degree in nus.
and now, he interns at firms and URA while doing side-line work design sets for local musicals.
can i just say wow?

i'm just beyond flabbergasted on what studying architecture has done for him,
and well it goes more than just the literal work that school has thrown upon me.
now, i'm seeing the light slowly, because aims and goals are starting to form.
that can only be a good thing.

i'll see where that goes,
and maybe i'll take the rest of this week to think about it.
so as i finish off my obligations, i should start preparing myself for the next few weeks.
it can only get better, and i can only grow up from here.

on a completely different note,
i cant wait for my package to arrive (please arrive tmr)
and i'm going to hide under the covers with either 'dear john' or 'valentine's day' that have just finished streaming.
okay bye, wish me luck.

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took a walk down to little india today.
with my camera, and lugging around a girl that kept fussing over the sun.
i was probably on the verge of fussing too,
but i kept quiet cos any sudden movement could make my perspire even more.

i guess this was my first time heading to a cultural site.
and it made me want to embrace photography even more.
but it says alot, if you cant take good photos.
so what if you have a good camera, when you lack in skills.
SIGHH.

as i edit the colours for my photos,
i realise that my skills are quite lacking.
most of my photos in quite scanty in the areas of depth and focus.
as much as bokeh is concerned, it is forced and doesnt sufficiently tell the story.
meow.

it almost feels like everything's falling apart.
i tell myself its just today, but i'm beginning to see a trend.
sigh my head is rolling over and under and my back hurts.
should i completely abolish its existence and move on with life?
and that spells for more than one thing.

tuesday: school, buffet at oc.
wednesday: school, complete site study
thursday: school, presentation.
friday: work - opening, closing - dempsey.
saturday: work - midshift.

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my eyes are wide open
but all that I can see is, chapel bells are callin for everyone but-a me.
but I don't worry cause,
mama said there'll be days like this,
there'll be days like this mama said.
- the shirelles

+++


i really dont remember watching the original 'alice in wonderland' movie!
i dont remember no caterpillar and no red hearts.
but yet, the blue dress and purple/pink stripes ring a bell.

i get my fridays off,
and i wanted plans and plans to make it worthwhile.
but i ended up staying at home, with basically nothing to do.
i'm not sure if this little fever was psychologically induced,
because later at five in the afternoon, it was the sleep that made it go away.
i regretting cancelling plans, because i kind of knew this virus might somehow be self-induced.
it doesnt help that i dont feel any much better now.

i like making plans for myself,
scheduling one little bubble of activity after another.
so this day was one that kept me stumped.
in the end , i planned activities and movies on my laptop.
of which both categories were definitely not satisfactorily completed.
only sleep was sufficiently fulfilled, but the thing is that i'm not even lacking (much) in sleep.
my guesses are probably correct.

i dont like to be taken as dispensable,
so i work hard for my money.
however, if it comes to a point that i've had enough of this,
i am convincing myself to let go, in more ways than one.
i doubt, in a third person's perspective, that this is an attention-seeking gesture.
so if anyone even remotely suggests this, well screw you.

with the rest of the night to go,
i'm listed things to do.
pack my windswept-like room, get down to write the notes,
maybe binge again and then down with rest of the shows i loaded.
then its pink dot tomorrow and then blooie's with great people.

le sigh,
le bye.

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every move you make
every vow you break
every smile you fake
every claim you stake, i'll be watching you

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no more sailin'
so long sailin'
bye bye sailin'...
move on out captain
- bobby darin

+++


i've been oddly in a disney mood these few days.
very very weird, i think it must be the 'enchanted' over the last weekend.
and disney movies get me mopey.
i tell you, i'm the most terrible person to watch a movie with.

this week has been quite crazy,
probably because of the intensive school work.
it's only a case study but its grinding to the bone.
this is probably what it feels like to be a year 3 student.
considering that this has only been three weeks since school started,
i cant imagine what the rest of the academic year would be like.

i'm so glad i watched chicago last night.
it wasnt exactly what i expected,
maybe cause i expected the musical to be as compelling as the movie.
the movie scene of 'cell block tango' is the sex seriously,
all the garters and dancing.
phew haha.

i forgot what it was like to watch a musical,
so it indeed refreshing to hear some live singing.
and all the dancing makes me want to get my feet tapping too hurhur.
maybe one fine day, i'll will get my ass up to join a dance class.
might do me some good too haha.

i think these few days have really been messed up.
as much as i want to blame schoolwork,
i dont think its justifiable.
i blew up at my groupmate this afternoon, for real.
(and i remember just a few days ago, my friend was telling me that i never ever flare up)
plus this is considering that i cant even remember the last time i blew up.

and i survived on half an apple, a handful of wheat squares and a bottole of pink dolphin today.
until i got home at eight thirty, and i gobbled.
now i feel like puking urgh.

gosh, what has become of me.
i guess i havent really been much of myself,
sometimes a little over the top.
overly excited, overly gleeful, and overly mopey.
i dont know, really.

nah i should sleep.

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we're so close, to reaching that famous happy ending
and almost believing this was not pretend.
let's go on dreaming for we know we are
so close, so close, and still so far.
- jon mclaughlin

+++


watching enchanted always makes me feel...
as if my stomach is cramping and tied into a knot.
okay thats enough stagnancy.
i'm going off to do something proper.
kbye.

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'A professor stood before his philosophy class
And had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - family,
children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions –
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else --The small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued,
'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

'Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'

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