now something on the surface it stings
i said something on the surface
well it kind of makes me nervous
who says that you deserve this
and what kind of god would serve this?

+++

i would like to believe in the best side of you,
but all odds turn against you.
i'm temporarily blind, temporarily numb.
and it seems that you'd like it this way.

keeping songs on repeat,
delusional thoughts.
ohboy, you're a cardinal sin.
i imagined a beautiful three weeks,
which might turn out into a mess, a less than beautiful mess.

i'm sorry to say,
but i'm finding out nasty things of you.
not that i want to keep it in proliferation,
maybe in the spur of the moment.



honestly, i've just about had it.

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But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs.
How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't,
the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave.

And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future.
Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on.

Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment
you never gave up hope.

- Gigi, He's just not that into you
(courtesy of bel)

+++

how very much true.
even gossipgirl waned me down.
to a point when being sober seemed less of a want than a need.
of chocolate milk and cigarettes, i might just turn to one of them for release.
it'll take me time to completely relish this turn of events,
and prepare myself for the worst.

to think that i had this complete list of events,
of which i gave up for.
in my mind, i planned and created so many cloud castles,
now i gotta salt it and let it fall as rain.


do you know that being married adds three years to your calculated life expectancy?
well then obviously i dont have much years to go.

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its the same old theme since nineteen-sixteen.
in your head, in your head they're still fighting,
with their tanks and their bombs,
and their bombs and their guns.
in your head, in your head, they are dying.

+++

i should have listened and kept this at bay.
and then i suddenly realise that i am just a mere pawn in this game,
with everything to lose, succumbing to the whim and fancies of your treacherous strategies.
hot and cold, up and down, its not easy to keep up.
and i'm really tired so just let it go alright?

raspberries, chocolate and milk.
seriously guowei, what the hell were you thinking?

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all the same time and time again,
i ask myself why.
this time its for the right person but with the wrong symptoms.
and i ask myself how i can bring myself to get through each morning.

why, oh why.

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when it all amounts to nothing in the end.

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random twitter:

“U ever had a tough day & just wished that everyone wloud stop asking U wht’s wrong? Wouldn’t it be better if they just said I love you?”


definitely.

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do you ever think when you're all alone
all that we can be, where this thing can go?
am I crazy or falling in love?
is it really just another crush?

+++

when it comes to to crunch time,
it helps to have someone close by.
no one said anything about holidays and stress-free being together,
and i dont want to melt into a runny mess.
as i escape through everyday with a new breath,
a moment's bliss appears for five minutes before everything comes rushing back in.

i know i'm escaping,
i just want or need to know if i'm considered of being saved.
sure, two days worth of excitement can hardly be called a beginning.
but do you know i've dreamt of the future?
scary much, even to me.
but i can hardly find someone else to blame, can i?

thinking back about it,
i already have more than what anyone would have.
i should consider myself blessed, great friends and i love my job.
and a chance, even for just one time.
reality baby, that's what will cushion ur fall.

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what's all this crap about dreams,
when my results are as so.
the extreme of both ends, seriously.
screw gems and cadp.
otherwise everything might be pulled up.

seriously guowei, buck ur fat ass up.

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its funny how when you're young everyone tells you to do something you love.
and when you finally start, other things start to fall into place,
expectations friends and family.
and the reality of the world seems so dramatically different.

when you can tired of what you do,
its refreshing to see those who still love it.
photography may seem so much like an amateur art to most of us,
yet it fulfils a dream to some of us.
being able to do what you love, and get recognized,
well that doesnt happen to all of us.
going through the photos in the eye of this photographer makes me feel kinda like spurring myself on.
a new set of lens a new sort of life.

a satisfaction for life that i've not found yet,
even if i'm looking at the material side of things.
maybe not yet, some say.

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all of a sudden, the rest of my family's crazy over grey's anatomy.
and i was the one who painstakingly saved and bought the seasons tsk.
it started with just one episode tsk.

i suddenly feel like eating sashimi.

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through the fire

you touch me and something in me knew
what i could have with you
well i'm not ready to kiss that dream goodbye
when its this sweet, theres no saying no.

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sometimes it would help if they aint so pissy half the time.
breathing in the air at home sometimes quite stressful.
thats why i'm starting to feel that it may take up less brainpower to stay outside.
what happened to solace in the sanctuary known as home?

not so much the air,
but the people that bring it.
it's choking sometimes.

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me and my desperate attempts to exercise.
non-existent apparently sigh.
sleeping late causes me to lose a day in exercise haha,
plus i still have like half a tub of applepie icecream in my freezer!
and laziness is causing me to not want to cut strawberries for my granola.

thats it, i will start baking again.
and when friday comes, i pray my pay comes to fulfil some of my needs.
clothing and addictive-trashytvshows needs.
i really should start doing something proper.

now that has come and gone.
hello mr mraz, our date is one day closer! (:

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its funny how everyone manages to catch sight of this rainbow on thurs.
different people at different parts of singapore with different takes on what they mean.
people who view the rainbow as something new in their lives, something that is being approved,
a memory that is forever gone, or simply a sign of hope.

its probably the sheer size of the rainbow that allowed it to be seen by so many.
or maybe, everyone just happened to look up at the sky at the right time.
i mean c'mon, even my daily visit to the foodblog also posted a picture of them.
by them i mean the rainbow/s which i will now name irvan and irvine.
sweet :D

to me, the rainbow was kind if a breath of fresh air.
it was like the icing to my cinnamon bun, a little take that i'm glad to be around my friends.
sure, life isnt exactly peaches and cream but its nice when life throws you a cinnamon bun.

working starts to pick up since the holidays have turn its head.
somehow, i dont feel that sudden rush of happiness getting to me.
or maybe unlike others, i dont get the rush to plan parties, zoo outings or whatever.
its just more free time and more time to sleep which is terribly bad.
okay, seven am jog tomorrow!


you know what,
to dispel this, i really need a pet kitten.
like seriously, i'm all ready for it.

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