i dont want to say i'm tired anymore.
i just want a rush again,
and to be swept into that feeling.

i need a hug,
and everything to be perfect.
but we all know thats not gonna happen.
okay goodnight.

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like the little school mate in the school yard,
we'll play jack and uno cards.
i'll be your best friend if you'll be mine,
valentine.
- fergie

+++


disney love,
how very much cliche.

i know hatred is bad.
the bible tells us not to hate, but to love thy neighbour.
but my hatred is largely fuelled by jealousy, stemmed from more than one thing.
i hate you for having so much and more,
and i hate you for having so little
till you are swept up the moment your feet touch the ground.

another not so restful week.
sometimes i wonder what keeps me going,
i would really like to know.
i love how free-cone day reminded me how adrenaline could fuel me.
cos suddenly i was up and ready for anything,
i think i almost bounced from wall to wall.
and it definitely helped when i saw so many familiar faces in the span of a day,
even some that i have not seen for months.
but every part of the day seemed awesome,
i still cant stop smiling as i see albums being uploaded.

the weekend comes rolling in again,
reminding me of commitments i'm happy to oblige.
and it counts down the end of a week of another till i allow myself to take a break.
i am kind of not looking forward to having time again though.
shrugs.

gambatte!
(seriously, i cant believe i'm actually midly optimistic)

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little did i think this weekend would be such a killer.

i think this is a long time since i fell asleep every night due to sheer fatigue.
not that its a bad thing of course,
it sure hells beat insomnia and lying in bed for hours, hands down.
so i guess i'm kind of embracing this almost masochism-like lifestyle.

right now,
my back aches a little,
with my upper arms hanging down like limp sausages.
yet i can strangely not think of things that i did that might have caused it.

i think i still have leftover sleep debt from last week,
considering that i havent had a full night's rest since wednesday,
i dont think i'm gonna repay it anytime.
oh well, it certainly beats getting mopey especially when it rains.

and mentioning about it,
i think i have about 6 hours of shows loaded an unwatched since 2 weeks ago.

looking for films is sucha bitch.
its too difficult to go searching.
no time and almost no energy,
i really hate it when people dont reply promptly with clear answers.
an undetermined angst brews inside, ready to lash out.
it doesnt take much to reply and give the right words.

damn, i dont want to settle for less.
because i deserve more than just an 'okay' for the amount of effort i put in.

this week:
monday: work, doctor, peninsular (?), collect fcd shirts hopefully and possibly movie.
tuesday: opening at dempsey, fcd at oc.
wednesday: work.
thursday: work.
friday: work, closing at dempsey.
saturday: holland, closing at dempsey.
sunday: can we bake bread again please?

why do i have this feeling i have something happening on wed and thurs?

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am at work.
full from two cinnamon buns, an apple and tub of yogurt,
and all i want to do is teleport home and fall asleep.

i'm very tempted to repeat this cycle again.
cos sometimes when fatigue hits you hard,
you lose all sense of self and your day seems shorter, faster and live-able.

maybe i do know what i want for my birthday.
white sheets on a rainy morning,
dreamy eyes and tousled hair,
playful laughter, sleeping in the car,
breakfast the whole day through,
and someone to make it come all together.

i havent slept through a rainy morning in the longest time.
but then again, when was the last time i woke up knowing life is perfect as it is?

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tell me someone who doesnt like balloons?
they give pretty effects like that yays.
i want that to be me on my birthday haha.

internship for two days,
and i already feel that i'm done with it.
i still havent gotten my computer,
so i cant even do any work.
i want to read quite badly,
but i dont want to seem like i'm such a douche.
its really not nice to be reading when people are doing work.

but then, its not like i can.

i'm oddly domestic,
though i'm there for only six weeks.
i start pinning stuff up (passwords and emails and all that)
and arranging an in & out tray.
i'm a funny thing.

thinking that i have five and a half more weeks,
omg die.

its not bad though.
i am thankful for the journey,
i can wake up at 745 and be at office by 845.
the bus is ever so convenient cos it drops me right outside my house.
the people are quite nice, and i have candy for my eyes.
so definitely not bad.

maybe i'll get my computer tomorrow,
then i'll complain about it sigh.
probably about how much work i have to do.

something about buses in the morning gets me.
as much as i would like to take it a little earlier,
i have been able to get a seat, to see the greenery.
its almost like wearing glasses tinged with a little blue,
cos the sun doesnt seem to willing to rise.
and on the way home, the sun casts such beautiful hues of yellow and blue.
how these colours match i dont know.

okay hope i get my computer tomorrow!
for now, much needed sleep.

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i'm going off to rest,
my tummy hurts and my head had a mild party going on.

i'm not going to worry,
i'm not going to bother.
too many things to want,
too many things calling out to me.

the sky's turning dark,
maybe it might rain.

so smile,
let people know you're stronger than yesterday.

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