but you with me
'cause in your company,
i feel happy, oh so happy and complete.
and it's a good excuse, put our love to use.
- kanis grannis

+++


back from bintan,
and oh what a joyride it was.
(i would like to believe that we got back last night,
which would thus give me enough excuses for today)

i'm actually tremendously glad that it worked out.
i was really worried that it might not have worked out.
it even came to the point whereby i deliberately didnt want to announce to the world,
cos concrete plans havent been made so there were chances that i would spend the long weekend at home.

i didnt realize until now, how long it has been since i've been with ma choir peeps.
despite not having an alias to refer to this group,
they form such an impressionable part of my life.
and in the company, i just fall into something so familiar.
like old songs and warm pancakes, however that makes sense.
it almost makes me want to stop time and not go back to reality.
we're definitely not the most psycho and havok-wrecking type,
but it makes me smile knowing even the small teasing words warm the heart.
thats why i faintly remember being upset once regarding the group's amity really long ago,
and being upset to the point of constituting phone calls that lasted for hours,
well it shows how much i treasure it.

in any case,
i'm glad we made this happen.
i didnt particularly needed this holiday,
but it sat down very well on little timmy (my tummy) of mine.
i don't know if future trips are currently on the line,
but i would do it all over again, seasickness and all.
(almost)

well i better bounce back from waxing lyrical.
its time to get my life back in order,
considering that i know that i didnt do well for the previous submission.
hesitant about putting my face on the grinding stone again,
because it hurts so and it saps so much of myself away.
its not that i hate it, on a certain level, i ALMOST like it.
but i have to crawl up such a steep slope to get there.

torn and terrified.
because i could have nothing to hold on to, in the end.
and i'm much to selfloathing to bother doing that thing tomorrow,
but if i never stake myself out, i will never find out.
still, i can name numerous things that i could do instead.

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