i tell myself,
its just burning up the weekends.
then it will all be over, this terrible term that is.
whatever that comes next year is classified as the next year.
burning up this weekend for three weeks of leisure.

came across a blog,
a 40 year old man who describes loneliness in so many different ways.
and in some way, it kinda me think.

just what am i looking for?
sure enough i dived in this headfirst,
not even checking or wondering whether any ties were present.
i guess it has always been obvious, just that i consciously blinded myself.
and i only have myself to blame.
but i'm not lying if i said that i was attracted by the intellect and possibly that pretty face.

sometimes i ask myself what am i looking for.
and honestly, thinking back, i think i'm lying to myself.
many a time.

yes i'm still lost,
cos the only comfort i seek isnt in someone else or other people or myself,
but insisting on making myself incredibly tired so i wont have the time nor energy to think.


it seems like i'm sabotaging myself,
and yet, i'm reassuring myself that it will be okay.

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