finally a day spent at home,
the whole day without going out nor working.
actually it makes me feel more obliged now to stay at home,
not that i have anything exciting to do at home,
but at least to stay with family.
despite the dozen people i could be going out with.

bummer!
but at least it helps me to save money,
until pay comes.
good lord, i have been absolutely dry argh.
plus i need to cut my hair gah.

there are probably a million things i would buy when pay's out.
> haversack from spin the bottle
> hoodie from topman
> hoodie from fox
> basic tees in different colours
> pair of jeans
> cap from springfield
> striped shorts from fox

there are probably more things to buy,
but that will be for another day.
either that or i havent seen or found em yet.

certain things, sometimes i wish i didnt know.
but knowing that some people are leaving strikes me every time i start work.
its this sinking feeling and i just want to give everyone a big hug.
like thats gonna solve anything.

still, being able to do music in the future really spurs me on.
and its something i havent had in quite a awhile.

at the rate i'm eating,
one day i'm gonna be sent to the hospital needing treatment.
alternate days of extreme deprivation and normal consumption.
unintentional of course but even normal consumption seems like a kill

i see steps moving forward, or attempts to.
but the nonchalance of before never fails to remind me of its existence.
so what am i to do, cos i'm really confused.
it actually came to a stage when i was questioning the possible reality of bipolarity.
yes, i am quite serious here.

so if you wonder why if i wasnt excited,
this is why and i dont want to be leading myself on again.

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