i just came from reading someone's blog.
looks like overachieving is back in town.
if i'm sniping at what he's doing,
then why do i feel so inadequate right now?

i hadnt realised that by getting a diploma,
it kind of means the end of my future in pursuing a degree in an overseas university.
or rather the difficulty of getting is pretty much astronomical.
so its back to the local universities, and that's assuming that i even make it.
i shouldnt be worrying about the long tiresome journey but making it into the university in the first place.
inadequate is an understatement.

i mean in comparison,
the worries that i face seem like the faces of the ants under the feet of those people.
the frivolous indulgences that i engage in from birks, soup spoon and the carrie underwood youtube videos that i'm watching.
heck, i'm even loading videos private practice episodes to watch before i head to bed.
just what is wrong with me?

and i'm serious with the sudden carrie underwood obsession,
i cant help it if she puts down what i feel (about you) in lyrics right?
):

school hasnt even started and i'm fearing the first hour.
how's that for a brand new fantastic year huh.
listening to talk about the condominium project that lasts the whole year
is definitely scaring me a little.
i still remember how i started to lose steam midway of final project last sem.
it was disgustingly horrid to get feelings like that.
the phobia is coming back.

its not like
my grades at school are fantastic, romantic liaisons seemingly nonexistent, that i keep trepidations of work at bay and my limited power to please everyone at the same time, coupled with my constant inability with finances.


its not working out.
and despite what they say,
i wish that i'd be whisked off into comfort by you.
yup even in the doldrums, i cling on to darkness.
its not even a beautiful mess,
i'd like a day to say that the weight was so worth it.
):

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