i know this is a highly inapt time for me to whine,
but keeping my lifeline in check,
i'm almost running out of steam.

sure it may be the final few weeks of the term,
but it sure seems like lots of hell thinking about it.
bombed today by mrchieu was the worst thing of the week.
with lack of sleep, his clear disappointment in me was made clear.
it came to this point when i dreaded his pen circling on my paper,
and that happened numerous times.

it was that bad to the point that i felt like quitting.
seeing so many people who were once conscientious leaving,
it gets unnerving, cos they obviously leave for a reason.
my work is claimed to be unfinished and that i dont spend enough time with it,
but have you seen my weekend the week before?

i dont blame school,
i dont want to blame work.
and so i only have myself to blame.
escape in the form of restless sleep helps sometimes,
but then, waking up at odd hours realizing that hours have gone by,
it reminds me of how much work i need to do.

i've lost all my strength.
and i have no idea what keeps me alive now.
even one of the days, my mom offered to buy dinner for me and asked me what i wanted.
i simply replied, 'anything, as long as it can keep my alive to survive the night till four am'
it has come to a stage when even food is only for sustenance.

i'll probably be scolded for despairing and not getting down to work.
but as the room hums louder and louder,
it makes me wonder if when i'll lose control.

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