whew, finally i can take some time out to blog an entry.. well, its not that i am especially free today but just that these few days, i've been really thinking alot.. so many things had happened over this week, and it really made me sit down and think about them..

went for the council immersion today. hmm, it was quite interesting but kinda overwhelming because i'm just not used to having so much information suddenly thrown at me.. well not literally but i just came from a very invigorating session of choir. i was surprised that mark gave such a great pep talk to us, honestly, i was ready to leave for council but after his talk, i sort of got inspired and very committed and passionate about choir. whatever mark intended to do with that talk of his, it definitely worked for me. i found this little piece of me that loved being in a choir that was hidden and buried. being in a choir before that did face many challenges, it was particularly sore when it hit me. and before i left, everyone kept asking why i should want to join the council in the first place, it wasnt the j1s but the j2s. they were momentarily surprised and somewhat coincidently, everyone commented that i can only choose one, choir or council, because these two ccas are particularly heavy and one can hardly find time to accomodate both. but that's beside the point. while walking towards lt5, their words kept ringing repeatedly in my mind, such that for this combination of these two ccas, i am only able to choose one of them. choir and council has been my passion since primary school..


i feel a strong sense of passion for these two particular organizations. my passion is in music and singing but yet i also feel the sam towards helping the school become a better place; providing a service towards the school and building up the school spirit among all the members of the school, be them be current, new or even the alumni. i really feels good to see the school grow and seeing all the students loving the school with combustible passion. i am really torn between these two. i dont want to sacrifice any of these beacuse they are my greatest loves and losing either one of them would be losing a big part of my life. it may sound like a cliche but it is very true. you may ask me to take up both but inside me, i know that i can never manage both as both do take up much time. i already do not have much time for myself, whatsmore when my committments start to increase by the tonne?

someone please approach me to tell me what to do.. i'm in dire need for help.

over the course if these few days, i realised how people who need help are so close to heart. when i found out, it was such a big blow to me. when you told me late that night, i was shocked and dumbfounded, i really didnt know that your condition was that serious. i wouldnt give it another thought and i would have been willing to just be next to you to try to share ur burden. you struck a chord in me that got me thinking and having this sense of appreciativeness that no one had ever done. i wouldnt have minded giving up time or energy just to be with a friend in need. you can put ur trust in me. however, i really dunno how you interpret this friendship. sure, it may appear a little superficial because we havent really talked face to face but if you give me the chance, i would do it. you made me think in a whole new perspective and view the world in a different light. the thing is i dunno what is your perspective of this friendship, maybe you could view me as an irritating j1 or you may think of it as something deeper. i really dunno. that is why i do not dare to start anything, a conversation or a game. whatever my words were, it came as true as it could get, i cant see any reason as to why i should fake anything, honestly. that is just not me. whether it is the latter or the former, please at least approach me to tell me, because i'm really confused as to where this is going.

a whole spectrum of feelings are surrounding me. i no longer know where to go but i a just allowing the current to carry me along.

i no longer want to paint a smile on my face.

"Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions."

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