finally i can blog after this busy week.. the main event of this week was on thurs.. my birthdae.. nothing really happened on mon and tues other than the fact that the QA test was quite interesting..

the original solution was pink, but i couldnt remember my tuition QA notes on what metal solution (cobalt chloride) would usually be that colour.. it was quite fun with the wonderful changes in colour and the dealings with conc. hydrocholric acid.. wonder what was the unidentified smoke that was given out from the conc HCL(aq) in the gas chamber(?).. heard that the coming QA test would be the most interesting of all we have done, as described by LP, with five different solutions and one reagent.. interesting..

wed, the eve of my bdae, was a really horrid day.. it was super crappy for the whole day.. in the morning, i realised that i had only done 2 out of 8 dwit essays that was supposed to be handed up to BS that day.. luckily she didnt collect bcos she was doing eng oral practice.. then was horrid maths when PE was eyeing me when i was talking to mrinnocent and gave me a black look.. stupid tyotch.. think she's very good.. when it was contact time period, i realised that i forgot to bring my 'gentleman handbook' to let DL sign.. was so angry at myself.. when assembly period came, i went out of class clutching my pencilcase after PE gave me another black look when i informed her that i forgot to bring the 'gentleman handbook'.. i just went around the school walking and chatting with mixedjuice while i watch jealously at choir ppl happily strolling to class 3-3 to let DL sign their handbooks.. haiz.. t'was such a horrid dae.. luckily i lasted thru the day thinking of the magnificent next day.. :p

my birthday came to me with upteen blasts of energy even though i slept at only 2+ the previous night (bcos of the stupid dwit essays).. i came to school bursting with energy and brimming with happiness.. met yellow at his class and went to staffroom 2 to let DL authorise our unsigned handbook.. he apparently went to eat breakfast with DT.. i sat at the study table outside the staffroom 2 and lent yellow my handbook.. then the ppl started to fill the places in the table.. purple caught us and sat with us while i tried to finish my essays, blue came soon after.. red, turquoise and green joined us next.. salty also came.. yellow gave me a very sweet bdae card which i read at home to avoid attention..:p that was the first present that dae.. after a horrid pe lesson, i received my 2nd bdae present from LJC, an op wallet during the 10min break before changing out of my pe clothes.. after school, i walked around with turquoise and salty outside staffroom2.. we moved off later after we were interrogated by DT on why we were dere.. hahaz.. crazy :p i met purple outside his class and he was almost on the verge of tears bcos his tablet was confiscated y some pillow-case-skirt woman.. while she went to the restroom, i strode blodly behind her and attempted to kick her ___... :p when all of us met up later, everyone was in a very bad mood, but the mood settled when we ate at sakae together.. the only prob was that we had to settle the seating plan bcos some ppl wanted to sit together *hinthint* and some didnt want to be put together at all.. the crazy part came after lunch and we rushed to the neoprint area and took dozen of pics of all 6 of us, turquoise/yellow/blue/purple/green and i.. it was a totally enjoyable time, first time i took neoprints too.. :p when everyone left, i accompanied purple back to school to retrieve his tablet back from the tech centre, only to find it closed for the day.. then i walked purple back home and walked home myself.. :p realized that purple and i are such good frenz bcos we've alot in common.. :p

yesterday, we planned for another neoprint-taking session, this time including red and zlata.. we decided to meet at four bcos green was busy with cca till 1530 and i had tuition till four.. after tuition, rushed by purple and turquoise, i took a quick shower bcos i was all dirty and stinky.. the stupid bus caused me to be late and yellow to get angry.. sori kkz, it really wasnt my fault.. i noe you waited for a long time.. we took at least 6-8 sets of pictures.. some junior shots, senior-only shots and mixed.. of course the most unexpected was someone's shot with his god-bro.. it really made me unhappy bcos they took so many together and left me out, as if i didnt belong to their clique.. i felt hurt and betrayed.. the feeling of rejection came back to me.. my face changed from flushing with happiness as i stepped out of the curtains which booth they were taking in.. my eyes threatened to fill with tears but i bravely fought them as i knew that it was my destiny and my fate did not lie with them.. it seemed that time stopped as i still saw a glimpse of the two of them posing in their seats.. my heart fell like a stone and filled the bottom of my soul in an infinite number fragments.. in the darkness, i could not tell if the sparkle was the sparkling pieces of my heart or the droplets of tears.. i jolted back to reality as i slapped myself with relization.. i sent turquoise and red off and went to have a buy drinks with zlata and orange.. each time the scene flashed by in my mind, my tears threatened to spill, but my conscience; backed up by reality bravely fought them back..

-----, you may promise to take individual pieces of memories with me, but i noe that it is only backed up by obligation, the obligation that buys my friendship back.. i noe your true feelings now, but i dont blame you, i would not want you to be tied down by my flaws.. you deserve better.. i will never forget what i felt and the arrow that shot straight into my heart.. each time i see you around from now, the happiness that we once shared will only be a shadow to what i felt.. i have realised that the concern you showered upon me actually was made up by obligation, but i was bewitched by the veil of sincerity, i should have see it right through.. my thoughts will never change, my tears never seen, my crys of anguish never heard..

----, yes, you may say that you were not part of this and was pushed on by the other party.. yes, but you could have resisted, after all, you received the resluts that you awaited for, it should have given you energy, the strength to reject, the power to invite those who stare from afar, ousted by the two palms on the island.. but what hurt me the most was how you even thought of this.. you thought that it was only a shred of petty jealousy, chucking it aside till one day, the emotions wasted, i come running back.. i thought you would pursue and try to solve this matter, but you took my forgiveness for granted, flung me aside as if a wilted wildflower struggling to survive, you did not give me water but expect the sky to rain.. i was wrong about you.. i didnt noe.. it was wrong from the start, the coming together between you and someone should not have happened.. i was stupid to not have seen the consequences..

to the both of you.. yes, one day, my sense of forgiveness will take over me and forgive the both of you but everytime i see the both of you, whether individually or together, my heart will remember the 22nd April 2005.. for it was the day my heart died..

i am not angry.
i am not sad.
i am not happy.
i am not mad.

in fact,
my tears have been shed.

i am painting the last smile on my shattered heart..

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