now i just need to find the motivation to do work.
christmas is over,
now its time to stop singing those carols!

with the birthday party,
and work, and new year (its not like i get drunk).
but there seems to be every reason to celebrate!

okay (happy) things to do:
1. write card.
2. fill up little captions.
3. wrapping.
4. bake.
5. find scarf.
6. check if darwin's okay.
7. watch the 8408348 shows that i loaded.
8. decide if i should bake again.
9. pack up my room.
10. start convincing myself to do work and actually getting down to doing it.

funny how the most important thing is ranked the last.

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my eyes are tired,
so's my brain.
time passes so much faster when i'm looking up songs or even facebook.

maybe this will help me get through tonight and tomorrow.

sunday: model making.
monday: remaining model-making/sleep, dinner with peeps
tuesday: closing at dempsey
wednesday: talk at dempsey, closing at rafflescity (yogoru!)
thursday: class in morning, buying present, scoopy auditions, dinner with ehem.
friday: class in morning, elective presentation, arrange for dinner.
saturday: pack for trip, closing at dempsey.

i wonder if i should work more.

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i tell myself,
its just burning up the weekends.
then it will all be over, this terrible term that is.
whatever that comes next year is classified as the next year.
burning up this weekend for three weeks of leisure.

came across a blog,
a 40 year old man who describes loneliness in so many different ways.
and in some way, it kinda me think.

just what am i looking for?
sure enough i dived in this headfirst,
not even checking or wondering whether any ties were present.
i guess it has always been obvious, just that i consciously blinded myself.
and i only have myself to blame.
but i'm not lying if i said that i was attracted by the intellect and possibly that pretty face.

sometimes i ask myself what am i looking for.
and honestly, thinking back, i think i'm lying to myself.
many a time.

yes i'm still lost,
cos the only comfort i seek isnt in someone else or other people or myself,
but insisting on making myself incredibly tired so i wont have the time nor energy to think.


it seems like i'm sabotaging myself,
and yet, i'm reassuring myself that it will be okay.

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sometimes i wish i had a little more motivation,
sometimes i wish i had a little more to give,
sometimes i wish i would be noticed,
and sometimes i wish i could be loved.

then again, thats a terribly long shot.

maybe if i put my schedule up here,
i might actually do it.

tuesday: do work, might go to school early, letter-writing test in afternoon, back home to do work.
wednesday: lecture, talk in adrc, lunch at home then school work.
thursday: lecture, talk, lunch, site visit and maybe marble slab, work on ppt slides for friday's presentation.
friday: lecture, work in school, presentation for elective class, walk in town to buy hoodie.
saturday,sunday: i better be building models and cadding my life away.

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sometimes i ask myself,
why am i a perfectionist in things i shouldnt be perfecting?
like the way i try to arrange the way i sleep,
and making sure that i throw away failed baked goods.

when i should be perfecting my drawings and plans.
good lord, what am i to do?

right now,
i would like to have a 3pc chicken set from popeyes with two cups of corn,
not having to collect my online purchases,
and not having to attend the camera class though there's a need to.
but honestly, what would i rather do?

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catch a falling star
and put it in your pocket,
never let it fade away.

that has been kinda what i've been singing to myself the whole of today.
and part of it is to remind myself that i'm quite blissfully ignorant,
sometimes the struggles of other people simply opens my eyes beyond its slitty compartments.

i realise why sometimes i dont like to go out.
because i'm veryvery tempted to buy things espesh clothes.
i really how people can wear hoodies in this heat?!
i mean c'mon, i'm sitting on my table not exercising and i have beads of perspiration on my nose.
bah bah black sheep.

autocad is calling me,
but i'm just waiting for episode sixteen to just finish loading tsk.

i <3 birthday surprises! :D

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inspired?
not really.

was reading someone else's blog and the reason why he blogs,

"I want to write because we forget to remember sometimes.
Because in a world that moves too fast, writing slows us down and we consider ourselves?"

pretty true aint it?

okay, sometimes i read people's blogs because of their narcissistic way they post photos,
and how narcissistic they can make their life be.
i laugh and i wonder why am i not as bold as them.
and ohyeah, can i have an iphone too?

finally able to sleep through the night.
for previous reasons as to why i didnt,
i wont say for fear of cursing tonight's sleep.
its the most horrible feeling to be dead tired and not being able to sleep.
i'm such a baby like that.

maybe i'm starting to understand how this world works.
it seems like as i'm getting exposed, the more i learn.
tv shows may show exaggerated or unrealistic situations and scenerios,
but they are ultimately based on grounded facts.

yes its true how i'm sometimes unhappy with so many things around me
buts its probably time i learn to appreciate and start working on the things i can actually change.
like the man in the mirror, it starts with me.
let's hope i can even live to my own motivational speech.




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back from town,
armed with a new camera!

after a whole week's wait,
i finally managed to persuade my dad to get a dslr.
actually i think my dad was quite excited about it too,
guys and their gadgets haha.

but for now,
i think the only good test shot i managed to get of was a scissors.
and that was only because i was trying out a function haha.
okay this talk isnt very exciting but you can tell that i am.

this addtion kinda completes preparation for salt lake city!
with a new kickass camera (and the extra heavy lense that my dad bought),
i am well on my way to documenting this trip!
naturally, things like hoodies constantly distract me haha.
i was walking around town these few days,
and the thought of 'oh, this would look good AND keep me warm when i'm in the states.'
someone stop me!

and i just saw an online store with nice tees eeks.
(and great, i just spent another half hour looking at hoodies)

that being said,
i'm almost on the verge of forgetting work.
it does make me feel inadequate seeing how much work people do,
or how prepared they are.
my whiny conscience keeps telling me that i should start getting to work,
but lazing around watching the season finale of project runway seems so much easier right?

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